


No Strings On Me

by hazel_3017



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-04 00:43:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2903063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazel_3017/pseuds/hazel_3017
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sidney knows he shouldn't. He knows what they are doing is wrong, but he can't bring himself to end it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Strings On Me

**Author's Note:**

> This can be set anytime after everyone found out about Duper's blood cloth, but the timeline is not important here. This is not a happy fic, and I've tried to include the necessary trigger warnings. If you feel I've missed some, please let me know.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction

There’s a certain beauty to sex, Sidney thinks.

Something about the act itself, so self-serving, selfish. It’s such a desperate act, sex. Makes one desperate for touch, for pleasure, for love. Sometimes, the release gets swept up in all the desperation, and instead of feeling full, Sidney just feels empty, after.

Sex itself is good, uncomplicated. He likes sex, always has. He likes the way it feels, likes the stretch of another man’s cock fucking into him. He likes the praise, of being told he looks _so good, Sid. So fucking good._

He likes knowing he’s making his partner feel good. He likes knowing that his partner takes pleasure from him, from Sidney’s body. And Sidney… Sidney gives and gives, everything he has he gives, and sometimes, when big hands clenches on his hips and sweet words— _love this, love you. Fuck! Sid, my perfect Sid_ —fill his ears, it’s enough.

He can forget then, for a few precious minutes at least, that when they’re done, when they’ve both found the pleasure they seek, his partner, _Geno_ , is not his to keep.

Geno won’t stay, won’t cuddle with Sidney under the covers and whisper more sweet nothings long into the night.

Geno never stays, and Sidney never asks. He wants to, wants that more than anything it seems sometimes. But he won’t. He can’t.

Geno never stays, because at the end of it, he always, _always_ goes home to his girlfriend.

Sex is good, uncomplicated. Everything else is a clusterfuck.

“Sid,” Duper says when Sidney walks into the locker room before practise. His nostrils flare when he catches sight of a hickey on Sidney’s neck, too high for his collar to cover, and his jaw tightens with anger.

Sidney looks away, guilty, stupidly glad that Duper doesn’t say anything else. He can hardly stand to have Duper so mad at him, but he will suffer through it, because the alternative is to suffer through losing _Geno_ , and Sidney can’t. He won’t do it, even as he knows what he, _they_ , are doing is wrong, he won’t let Geno go. He can’t bear to.

Next to Duper, Kuni eyes them, confused.

There’s been a palpable tension between Sidney and Duper for days now, and none of the guys understand why, not even Geno, because they don’t know, they don’t know that Sidney and Geno sometimes sneak off on game days—and Duper shouldn’t have known either, should have been busy like the rest of their teammates, but Duper is out of the lineup, is out for six months, and he saw them, he _saw_ them and he confronted Sidney. Was so, so angry. So very _disappointed in you. What the hell? He has a girlfriend, Sid. A girlfriend. Don’t you get that? You need to end this. Now._

__

“Okay,” Kuni says, and his voice is deliberately low, making sure none of the guys can hear. There’s not many of them. Sidney is early to practise, too early for a lot of the guys to have shown up yet. “What’s going on between you two? You’ve been like this for days now.”

Duper glares at Sidney, but even now, as furious and disgusted as he is with Sidney, he is a good friend. He says nothing.

Sidney swallows, feels his chest tighten painfully. He meets Kuni’s eyes briefly, can’t hold his gaze, too guilty for it, and says, “Nothing. It’s nothing.” He shrugs, trying to be nonchalant. “I have to go see Dana about something.”

He flees the room before Kuni can respond, and instead of finding Dana, he slips into one of the less used hallways inside Consol. He presses up against a wall, exhausted, lets his head fall back against it, thudding against the surface. He closes his eyes, feels the frustrating burn of unshed tears, and breathes through the heavy ball of guilt that is nestled firmly in his stomach. He breathes and breathes, through all the pain and regret.

It’s a constant ache now, has been there for weeks, and Sidney knows it won’t go away even as he knows how he can make it go away. Because he knows what he has to do to fix it, and he can’t, because that pain would be worse than this, he thinks, would be too much for him to handle, and he can’t, he can’t, he can’t—

“Is okay, Sid, just breathe. Breathe with me. Here, feel.” Gentle fingers close around his hand, lifts it and presses it against the wide expanse of a chest, right above where a heart beats in a slow, steady rhythm.

Sidney’s eyes flutter open, and as he stares at Geno’s worried face, he is surprised to realise that he is gasping for breath, his lungs burning from lack of air.

A panic attack, he realises, numb. He’s having a panic attack.

Geno’s other hand finds his face, his thumb stroking over Sidney’s cheekbone. “There we go,” he says. “See? Is easy. Just breathe.”

Sidney breathes. The pain is still there, is always there, but he breathes through it, easier now that Geno is with him.

Geno eyes him for a long moment, his dark eyes unreadable. He leans forward, pressing impossibly close as he rests his forehead against Sidney’s. “You okay now?” he asks, and Sidney can only hum in response.

They’re too close, too indecent. Someone could come along any moment now, someone could see them. Someone had _already_ seen them—

“Duper knows.”

Geno is startled, though he doesn’t react outwardly. But Sidney knows him, knows his body, and he knows Geno is surprised.

“He’s pissed off at us,” Sidney continues.

 

Duper’s rage is a great and heavy thing, and Sidney has bore the brunt of it for days now. He would carry it longer, would have protected Geno from it if he could, but there is too much pain, too much guilt. Sidney can’t burden it all. He needs to share something, and he thinks this, Geno will share this with him, he wouldn’t leave him for Duper’s rage—he’d leave him for Sidney’s guilt, for Sidney’s pain. If Geno knew how miserable Sidney was every time he was left alone with his thoughts to wreak havoc… Geno would never put him through that if he knew—

“Fuck Duper,” Geno says finally. “Not his business.” His thumb finds Sidney’s bottom lip, presses against it. “Do you want stop? Want things be over?”

Sidney sighs against the heavy press, feels the intent behind it, feels the power of that one little touch. “No,” he says.

He has so much power over him, Geno does. So much power, and Sidney doesn’t even care.

Because Sidney loves him, and he will have Geno in any way he can. Even this way, hidden away in an abandoned hallway, greedily clinging to this one fleeting moment, scavenging it away because he knows moments like these come too few and too far in between.

He gathers every moment with Geno, treasures them and keeps them close, even as it all adds to the guilt that keeps eating away at him, day after day.

Geno smiles at him, and Sidney smiles back. There’s relief behind the pleased look in his eyes.

“Good,” Geno says, and kisses him.

**  
**

 


End file.
